Let Hope be Hope

It has been a month over from my last post.

Finally, passing hectic days which really made me crazy. Got panic, high heart beat rate, lost concentration and finally, lost control of myself. Then the thing usually happened to me, that i really don’t want to have, is gaining weight. Haha…. But well, it means i still have many things to learn. And the nice thing is, feel stay young coz of staying foolish to learn controlling myself.

Nothing special in this month, but what I really feel grateful is, my family. Watching my son growing each day, being much more talkative [even sometime uncontrolable], spending playing time together are never replaceable. Then seeing day by day over and everything is alright [what i was frigntened were never happened], is really wonderful feeling. Thanks God for everything.

Aaahhh, and one nice story that I’d like to share now. My son found a disabled bird. Tiny, looks weak and alone. It couldn’t fly properly and seems couldn’t see appropriately either. Crying alone and jumping [not flying] here and there. Perhaps, it was left alone by its family. That’s why we thought it’s disabled. And we call it Hope.



My son loved it very much. As well as my family did. You all know, Marvella taught me to love unconditionally everyone, everything, especially who/which are considered as unlucky. Right after he found, he prepared rice to feed it. Gave it directly to its mouth coz Hope’s eyes seemed did not work well.

One day I had a work 200 km apart from my city Jogja. And because my son’s school was holidays, and my husband would take us drive, so we went together in a village of Selamet Mountain’s slope.

Well, my son was still very exciting with Hope at that moment so asked us to bring Hope together. Hahaa… can you imagine? Hmm, looking at his genuine face, we could not refuse his request. Well, actually, because of its disability, we were afraid that Hope will be caught and eaten by a cat. Then my husband made a small cage for Hope to make it comfort, and there we go…

The trip took 5 h by car and soon arrived at the host’s house, Brian was asking about Hope, worried whether Hope was hungry and unhappy. Well, actually the view between Brian and Hope was so heart-touching. We could feel the untold love. He brought hope in his palm wherever he go.. To be honest, I worried Hope would get stress because of it. Yaa, it just reminded me a story about a bird saved a fish because the bird thought the fish was so cold everytime stay in water. I asked Brian to let Hope free or just to let it stay in its “cage”. But, well… could you give a piece of advice to 5-year-old boy?

And it happened finally. I dunno whether Hope was got stress because to much be touched by Brian, or just because of its disability, its condition and naturally getting worst, but long short story, Hope came to die in its cage. Oh noooooooo…..

And as my husband told Brian about it, spontaneously, he screamed and burst into tears. Hmmm again…. we had so heartbreaking feeling…

Yaa, I know it’s too far if we compare to our feeling when we got loss of Marvella. However, I can’t deny… the painful feeling is just same.

We love Hope. We lose it but Hope,the disabled bird, just taught me not to lose Hope. Life keeps going on. Happiness and Sadness just the same, come and go to bring us to our equilibrium.

And looking at the picture?


We love you Hope…

and Let Hope be Hope….



Celebrating Life

How do I define that phrase?

Eventhough I realize that life is a special gift from heaven, from God, but well… me… I often didnt know how I should live… Many things happened, bunch of routine works absorbed me, however sooo many times I failed to determine the meaning.

But, thankfuly, God is always good all the time. He gave me all signs I need to be grateful… Especially through my beautiful angel Marvella and her friends.

This week, we are trisomy 18 Indonesian family felt our heart was so heavy. We understand that heaven must be the best place which there is no pain, there are no tears, there is no sadness anymore, however, farewell with our lovely daughter is always heart-breaking. Nothing is more unbearable than a grieving heart of mother. Well, i know our tears will never dry for our daughters, not because of a broken heart, but its really a price of love, to honor their life journey, their fight, their growth as well, and as a price how we miss them endlessly.

Despite of all grief feeling, I am really touched what my friend will do to celebrate her daughter life. Release baloons to heaven…

Yes, celebrating life…

Not as a sadness expression because of our daughters went to heaven, but celebrating their life in earth, together with us.

Well, its not easy, I know, even I couldnt express my feeling better, I have no words for all, but I will remember this, and always keep in heart and mind, celebrating life.

Her daughter Dahlia, a Trisomy 18 baby, is my teacher about hope, about life, about love, about struggle, above all, about celebrating life.

And today, because of her, I change the title of my blog into Celebrating Life, as I want to learn to do so.

Marvella taught me, and forever teaches me… with whatever small things happened,

Thanks adek Vella, help me always, to celebrate life….

@sending this pict to Dahlia Denise, Angel Trisomy 18 in heaven. She kicked trisomy 18 for 3,5 years bravely..